Summer

So over the months, I've realized that I didn't follow through on my original plan of writing daily, which I had when I started this blog. It was both due to getting lazy, and other work being prioritized. In fact, I went from posting every day (which I think only lasted for 2 days) to maybe once or twice a week, to completely forgetting about it and only posting when I felt like vomiting disgust/complaints, which you can see in my last two posts, scattered throughout months. Because that's what I used it for, to let out stress through words.

But I'm changing that this summer. Now I've decided that is too selfish, to exploit a public service for this measly and morally questionable purpose, because now I'm making this place truly public, which means I'll let colleges and other significant people see it. It's technically always been public - anyone can see it - and don't worry, all you readers are important to me, no matter how few (I saw the stats, some posts have gotten dozens of  views, not much in Internet metrics but still makes me happy as goats, I want to thank each of you for motivating me to continue :). I just never intended for it to be read by any specific audience, and I never really shared it with anyone; I guess my readers all found my blog from random search keywords, which is cool. I got the idea from an article on Teenlife after looking up summer projects, suggesting to "maintain" or "strengthen" an "online presence". I think blogging (why does it have two g's?) can be fun as a long-term project if I make it a habit.

Though I thought my summer was going to be "busy" because of the academic work and test prep I'm supposed to do, a big portion of it will be spent at home. So it's not actually "busy" in terms of activities and places I'll go to, like camp. And from my experiences, being at home can lead to wasting a lot of time. Good thing is that I'm becoming aware of this now, at the beginning of it all, and not one day before school starts again, like I habitually do things. Let's stay productive, shall we? Yes, we absolutely shall.

For this new mode of action, I want the blog to be my stories plus thoughts. It'll be a place to pour all the precious moments and important one-second flash thoughts into, and have them stay forever. (Until Google crashes, that is - silly to rely on the Internet, right? I trust the good company to take care of all its customers) It's not going to be a daily journal, simply logging every single event in life whether significant or not, with all the dullness. It's not going to be rants about politics, or a news publication. It's about me and my viewpoints, and the content is dictated by myself, only with a greater amount of effort and responsibility than a just-for-fun diary. Posts won't be organized by time, as in day one, day two, etc. That would be boring. Instead, they'll be distinguished by different ideas, which makes them that much better to read. I'll try to keep each piece focused on one topic. That is already the case pretty much, but I'll just avoid adding other random things. Isn't that better? If 100 ideas popped up in one day, I just might have to put down 100 draft titles for future posts. So some periods will have more frequent posting than others, I predict, as long as the requirement of one piece per week is met. Of course, the writing will still be freestyle. I don't write research papers for fun, unfortunately (maybe I will in the future, how great would that be?). I want it to be exercise for quick composition and on-the-spot, impromptu sentence-crafting that is enjoyable and not another stressful work task. When there are no requirements, it's actually a fun time to write. Why wouldn't that be true for everyone? If you've never done this, try it. All people want to have a voice to speak their mind.

I will definitely post at least once a week - seems little, but I assure that the results will be great after a year, certainly greater than what is here so far. It will be a big enough challenge in the beginning - I admit to succumbing to laziness already, as this post was planned to be finished two days ago. (It's only the beginning of summer, just give me some time, will ya? Oops, that was a bad excuse, something I must stop doing...it's all about habits) And I'll probably write more than once a week, because life isn't that boring. There's not a day we go without thoughts. So write them down and elaborate when possible. Some day, it may turn into something bigger - a forensics speech, a research project, a film. There's obviously a lot more beyond that.

I have changed the webpage design to a more modern outlook, with a template offered by Google. Ever since the switch from "Blogspot" to "Blogger", the site interface had been renovated. The old look was fine; it was like any other old blog, with the Web 2.0-like texture. The new and popular style has been different for a while now however - more Metro, whatever that implies, and minimalistic. When I chose the template, it looked so good already I didn't dare to mess around with it much. So it still might look like any other blog, just more beautiful. The strange part of this model (by that I mean "not seen before") is that multiple posts show up in snippets on a single page, all within range of view. Previously, one page contains all the posts in full, and scrolling down can become very tedious (another reason that seemed so ancient). The new system is much more efficient, without a doubt, but now I would have to glance at old writing with all the cringe. The reason it is so cringe-inducing is the same reason actors usually hate watching themselves in a recently made movie. I can see all my flaws, and they're not too long ago to say "well, that's not me anymore, I've changed." But the fact is, I most likely did change, as we develop mentally every day. Seeing flaws in yourself repeatedly is good, because it's a reminder that I should be fixing them, if not already. And that includes cringe-worthy flaws both in writing and in the actions described. With this, I can truly see human growth at a glance. I want to see that. Colleges also want to see that.

As for the utterly mindless stream of emotional discharge that I need to release from time to time, there is another place for it now. That kind of horror does not belong here, and none of my readers should have to go through it. A while ago I created "Logger" on my other account, intended as a medium to keep track of significant events every day of my life. That lasted two days, and I see no point in continuing, because photos are so much better of a way to accomplish the same purpose. Google Photos gives me unlimited - infinite, nonstop - space, which I hope to use all my life. I just began writing random, bulleted notes on that blog about anything interesting, and kept some of them as drafts when I wrote something that I don't want others to see. Now, I just made the whole thing private. Unrestricted, limbic rambling can go on there. This one is only for the calm and composed self. I'll only show you the best of me. I want to be the best of me. That's self-actualization. But for now, according to Maslow, I'm probably still stuck at the self-esteem.