Family
It's a little past 6:30, day 3 of being back on the west side of the Atlantic, or more appropriately the east of the Pacific now that I Googled the world map (my geography really needs work - actually, my whole brain needs to get back to work, it's been taking quite a break). The sun is already illuminating the cielo at its full intensity; typical of summer combined with daylight saving, and a great way to get a energized early start to your morning, but I'm still suffering from jet lag. We all are. That pesky phenomenon caused by the convenient but artificial air travel that's too fast for the natural human biological clock to handle. I hope we evolve eventually to adapt to time zones seamlessly, once we use technology for long enough. A hundred, maybe a thousand years? I don't know if it's better to bring back old ways into our lives that suits nature more, or to constantly keep up with new practices and try to progress in evolution. Both options are inevitable in certain circumstances.
Here's the story. I was caught up in the search for a summer job, which was a preposterous idea considering it was already midway into summer and I had barely a week to actually work, but I needed some work experience. That's when I overheard snippets of a conversation my parents had on video one night. When I walked in to talk, I could sense heavy news coming. "Are we..." I began. "Yes, we're going back to China. For 3 weeks. " Dad softly replied with a grave tone, almost in despair, a tone I recognize and never liked. "If we don't take this time to see Grandma…then we might not ever get the chance to see her again. "
Mom has already been there for a month, ever since she heard that her mother had a heart attack. The first time was enough of an alarm, but it happened again. And a third time. Things were really bad. The thing is, I didn't know Grandma had any serious health problems at all. She's had diabetes for longer than I'm alive, but I just didn't consider the complications that can easily occur. We have grown too far apart. I think the adults in my family feel the same way. My grandparents basically live alone now, save for a nanny that helps with chores and some relatives and friends. Anyone but their own sons and daughters and grandsons and granddaughters. I mean, they visit often, of course. My uncle used to live with Grandpa and Grandma, but they moved out into their own apartment floor a while ago. Probably got sick of the old fashioned backwardness of the village that just seems undeveloped compared to the city view, and the mosquitoes. I would've, too, after staying there this last time. My dad says separation is good because it prevents conflict. He's not big on the Chinese collectivist tradition, he's more individualist like Americans. But America also treats family as a big deal, which I'm happy about. How can we not talk about family, when family's all we got?
I didn’t feel far away from Grandma - we video-chatted regularly, no, more like occasionally - but the mere acknowledgement of her presence is not enough to create a strong bond that I think is necessary in a family. As a child, I visited Grandma's house pretty much every day. It was a fun place to be, the biggest house we had at the time, able to fit many kids at play, my cousins. The visits turned into every weekend after I moved to a different district. And after I moved out, it became even harder to keep in touch. I think the closest we've been recently was when Grandpa and Grandma came to visit for a couple of months. That was at least 3 years ago. Even as I saw them every day, we tended to go our own separate ways doing our own separate things and didn't even talk that often. When Grandma returned, she left a legacy in the form of origami (paper folding): hundreds of neat little boxes we can use to contain bits of trash at dinner time and whatnot, which she made during her abundant free time. She apparently loved focusing on a single task, at one with inner peace and calmness. That's what it felt like, though she isn't even that religious. Nowadays, I can imagine how challenging it would be for my grandparents to endure a 16 hour plane ride, with my Grandpa's declining legs and all. We didn't even bother getting first class, or at least business class for them if I recall correctly. How could we have been so cheap? (I honestly cannot stand economy class, especially when it's for that long of a duration. I will honestly spend as much as I need to if it means a torture-free aero experience.)
So, yes, I've been in China, because despite our busy plans for the summer, we decided to put family above all, and that's why I didn't write for 3 weeks. I could've, if I really wanted to, obtained a VPN to post on Blogger or just written offline, but I chose to take a hiatus. You can see it as escapism, but I see it as a priority shift. When I told my fellow classmates about my family situation, they were very nice about it and understood my leave from projects and club work. Before we entered the hospital, Mom reminded me that no matter how bad things seem, I have to stay positive for the sake of Grandma. Encouragement was what she needed, the boost to keep living, not words about how little time there is left. She lay in the urgent care bed, colorless and devoid of energy, as if spirit has been sapped out by the forces below. Her basic living abilities have declined as her organs weakened, so she needed assistance with eating, breathing, and passing waste. Tubes were connected everywhere, and she was helpless with decisions for her life. I knew I was here to see Grandma, to talk to Grandma, but I didn't know what to say, what I should do without bothering her, because she seemed in need of rest. I just sat close and watched her silently. Wouldn't she be bored without company most of the time? But if I talk, wouldn't it take energy to listen and respond? My little brother could entertain Grandma just by being there, but he wasn't comfortable either, probably less than I was considering how little time he spent with Grandma in his life. Mom went to the hospital every day and stayed, until she was worn out by the evening. She was the most caring child. Dad went whenever he could, but of course his priority when present at the location his main business runs was work. So we spent little time with each other. It's like the nucleus underwent decay and has transmutated, and the particles each diffused to different parts of the extended family.
Mom has already been there for a month, ever since she heard that her mother had a heart attack. The first time was enough of an alarm, but it happened again. And a third time. Things were really bad. The thing is, I didn't know Grandma had any serious health problems at all. She's had diabetes for longer than I'm alive, but I just didn't consider the complications that can easily occur. We have grown too far apart. I think the adults in my family feel the same way. My grandparents basically live alone now, save for a nanny that helps with chores and some relatives and friends. Anyone but their own sons and daughters and grandsons and granddaughters. I mean, they visit often, of course. My uncle used to live with Grandpa and Grandma, but they moved out into their own apartment floor a while ago. Probably got sick of the old fashioned backwardness of the village that just seems undeveloped compared to the city view, and the mosquitoes. I would've, too, after staying there this last time. My dad says separation is good because it prevents conflict. He's not big on the Chinese collectivist tradition, he's more individualist like Americans. But America also treats family as a big deal, which I'm happy about. How can we not talk about family, when family's all we got?
I didn’t feel far away from Grandma - we video-chatted regularly, no, more like occasionally - but the mere acknowledgement of her presence is not enough to create a strong bond that I think is necessary in a family. As a child, I visited Grandma's house pretty much every day. It was a fun place to be, the biggest house we had at the time, able to fit many kids at play, my cousins. The visits turned into every weekend after I moved to a different district. And after I moved out, it became even harder to keep in touch. I think the closest we've been recently was when Grandpa and Grandma came to visit for a couple of months. That was at least 3 years ago. Even as I saw them every day, we tended to go our own separate ways doing our own separate things and didn't even talk that often. When Grandma returned, she left a legacy in the form of origami (paper folding): hundreds of neat little boxes we can use to contain bits of trash at dinner time and whatnot, which she made during her abundant free time. She apparently loved focusing on a single task, at one with inner peace and calmness. That's what it felt like, though she isn't even that religious. Nowadays, I can imagine how challenging it would be for my grandparents to endure a 16 hour plane ride, with my Grandpa's declining legs and all. We didn't even bother getting first class, or at least business class for them if I recall correctly. How could we have been so cheap? (I honestly cannot stand economy class, especially when it's for that long of a duration. I will honestly spend as much as I need to if it means a torture-free aero experience.)
So, yes, I've been in China, because despite our busy plans for the summer, we decided to put family above all, and that's why I didn't write for 3 weeks. I could've, if I really wanted to, obtained a VPN to post on Blogger or just written offline, but I chose to take a hiatus. You can see it as escapism, but I see it as a priority shift. When I told my fellow classmates about my family situation, they were very nice about it and understood my leave from projects and club work. Before we entered the hospital, Mom reminded me that no matter how bad things seem, I have to stay positive for the sake of Grandma. Encouragement was what she needed, the boost to keep living, not words about how little time there is left. She lay in the urgent care bed, colorless and devoid of energy, as if spirit has been sapped out by the forces below. Her basic living abilities have declined as her organs weakened, so she needed assistance with eating, breathing, and passing waste. Tubes were connected everywhere, and she was helpless with decisions for her life. I knew I was here to see Grandma, to talk to Grandma, but I didn't know what to say, what I should do without bothering her, because she seemed in need of rest. I just sat close and watched her silently. Wouldn't she be bored without company most of the time? But if I talk, wouldn't it take energy to listen and respond? My little brother could entertain Grandma just by being there, but he wasn't comfortable either, probably less than I was considering how little time he spent with Grandma in his life. Mom went to the hospital every day and stayed, until she was worn out by the evening. She was the most caring child. Dad went whenever he could, but of course his priority when present at the location his main business runs was work. So we spent little time with each other. It's like the nucleus underwent decay and has transmutated, and the particles each diffused to different parts of the extended family.
The trip wasn't all dark and gloomy, we had fun with our cousins, like we always do. My grandparents on the other side were happily residing in their hometown, Jiexi, a town now reconstructed into a pretty modern living spot from the total rural villages. Their children, my dad, aunts and uncles, didn't get along too well but all had one thing in common, and that is their filial piety, love for their parents. So they're in good shape, with everybody giving their well thought-out pieces contributing to the elderly well-being. Well, with the exception of my alcoholic big uncle, who is still being a good for nothing deadbeat. I saw he's pretty artistic, and knows Japanese, so why doesn't he go do something in the anime industry? It's huge, even though it doesn't encompass the majority of the world, those who are into it - be it comics, novels, animation, movies or video games - are literally absorbed, and can be a real cult. I'm sure he likes that stuff…most people get pretty obsessed if they consume a good dose of it…but I don't know how much a 50 year old alcoholic is willing to do. We're all hoping for an awakening. Gods have mercy!
Let me recount an incident from fifth grade. Don't worry now; it wasn't as serious as I made it sound. Just some typical demonstration of childhood immaturity. This was when my father side grandparents were visiting the U.S. to live with us for some time. One day, Grandpa walked to my elementary school to pick me up. The school administrators had to keep him at the office and verify that he is safe as a precautionary measure. No big deal, right? Well, I got very upset. When they tried to talk with him, I said in the most condescending voice, with even a bit of contempt, "oh he doesn't speak English." As if I spoke any better (I did, but with a very bad accent - after all I've only been speaking for a year). Grandpa got the impression from my attitude that I "didn't want him", and said his heart "felt cold". "He got taught badly here," he said, referring to me, disappointed. Obviously, a very shameful insult to Grandpa on my part, I realized long ago. I took the authorities way too seriously, and didn't hesitate to sabotage my own family for compliance. You don't make your loved ones feel unloved.
By the end of our visit, Grandma has recovered well enough to walk. Mom is staying with her for the moment until she is free of all life-threatening risks. As we sleep and wake at random times for these strange few days, as I go off to "concentration" camp (work…no, still sounds too brutal…study camp, sounds the mildest) for the next 3 weeks, we keep in mind family. I'm all for individualism, but don't use it to be a bastard to your family.
Let me recount an incident from fifth grade. Don't worry now; it wasn't as serious as I made it sound. Just some typical demonstration of childhood immaturity. This was when my father side grandparents were visiting the U.S. to live with us for some time. One day, Grandpa walked to my elementary school to pick me up. The school administrators had to keep him at the office and verify that he is safe as a precautionary measure. No big deal, right? Well, I got very upset. When they tried to talk with him, I said in the most condescending voice, with even a bit of contempt, "oh he doesn't speak English." As if I spoke any better (I did, but with a very bad accent - after all I've only been speaking for a year). Grandpa got the impression from my attitude that I "didn't want him", and said his heart "felt cold". "He got taught badly here," he said, referring to me, disappointed. Obviously, a very shameful insult to Grandpa on my part, I realized long ago. I took the authorities way too seriously, and didn't hesitate to sabotage my own family for compliance. You don't make your loved ones feel unloved.
By the end of our visit, Grandma has recovered well enough to walk. Mom is staying with her for the moment until she is free of all life-threatening risks. As we sleep and wake at random times for these strange few days, as I go off to "concentration" camp (work…no, still sounds too brutal…study camp, sounds the mildest) for the next 3 weeks, we keep in mind family. I'm all for individualism, but don't use it to be a bastard to your family.
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